Chicago legend Irv Kupcinet famed columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times passed away in 2003. Both Kup and his wife Essie outlived their only daughter by approximately forty years.

On November 28, 1963, Karyn (Cookie) Kupcinet’s body was found in her West Hollywood home. The coroner ruled her death as a homicide, and the mystery behind it has never been solved. Kup and his wife buried their daughter at the age of 22.

An ancient proverb tells us that there is grief enough when a child buries a parent, but that grief is monumental when a parent buries a child. There is no surcease from the anguish. Irv Kupcinet quoted that proverb in the most difficult column he ever had to write, after returning back to work and the daily routine of his life.

In his autobiography Kup describes the dark thoughts and unbearable pain that a life of fame could not erase. His wife needed pills to start her day, and more pills to fall asleep. Kup relates walking over the bridge (that now bears his name) over the Chicago River harboring thoughts of suicide.

Then one day a letter arrived from Rose Kennedy the mother of President John F. Kennedy, and she took the time to write the following just two months and four days after the assassination of her son.

I know how very difficult it is for us parents to understand and accept these tragedies, for it is unnatural for youth to precede age on the final journey to our Eternal Home. But if it is God’s will to send us this heavy cross, we must trust his goodness and wisdom in respect to our lives and most important, we must carry on and work for the living.

We can work indefatigably for a charity and see the faces of orphans or cripples or the aged become bright with new hope because of our efforts.

God created that strong bond of love between children and parents. He did not intend to see it severed. He gave us hope that we could by prayer communicate with our beloved ones even after they have left us.

So pray to her when you cannot sleep, and pray when your heart is heavy and you can find no solace.

Rose Kennedy, Mother of President John F. Kennedy, January 26”, 1964

Similar words of consolation had been extended to the grieving parents from other voices. Most of us can recall tragic events when our words of advice or sympathy to a friend have sounded and felt inadequate. Two months and four days after the assassination of her son whose words could carry more weight, understanding, and compassion than Rose Kennedy? After all, before JFK was our nation’s Commander in Chief she was his.

She also understood that her advice despite her stature lacked the power to mend broken hearts. “It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t agree. The wounds remain. Time – the mind, protecting its sanity – covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessons, but it is never gone.”

‘I tell myself that God gave my children many gifts – spirit, beauty, intelligence; the capacity to make friends and inspire respect. There was only one gift he held back – length of life.”

Oh that one gift, the length of life is only a part of the equation; what matters is what we do with the precious days, hours and minutes allotted to us. We want our sons and daughters to live their dreams and nurture and apply their talents and God-given gifts and to lead a productive and full-filling life. Yes, we want to be proud of our children, but we also want them to be proud of us. Our children are our legacy, but when a parent suffers their loss, they can choose to inherit the responsibility of being theirs.

For the next four decades, Kup and his wife Essee worked for the living in the memory of their daughter Cookie. In life, she was an up and coming actress who in a few short years appeared on 41 television shows and had 14 stage plays to her credit.

Her life’s focus, hopes, and dreams remained part of theirs. Essee worked tirelessly on behalf of young people passionate about the arts. She donated time and resources to the Chicago Academy for the Arts and The Joe Jefferson Awards. Together they established the Karyn Kupcinet Gallery at her former alma mater, the Francis W. Parker School. For the benefit of the mentally retarded they created the Karyn Kupcinet Center at Little City in Palatine, Illinois; and at the famous Weizmann Institute in Israel, they founded the Karyn Kupcinet International School of Science.

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?”……”I have always believed that God never gives a cross to bear larger than we can carry. No matter what, he wants us to be happy, not sad. Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn’t we?” – Rose Kennedy